20 Week Ultrasound & 21 Week Baby Bump

Well, here he is world, our son, Miles David Willits

And here is proud mom - 

starting to look undeniably pregnant at 21 weeks - 

even strangers are pointing it out now!

3D Ultrasound

At about 18 weeks, as a gift from Grandpa Dave and Grandma Karen - Jeff and I got to see the baby in 3D and take a sneak peak at the gender.  This was such a neat experience and Jeff's first time seeing an ultrasound since the baby blob days.  Needless to say - we were excited.

Jeff was CONVINCED it was going to be a girl.  I'm not sure if it was because he was just trying to psych himself up for parenting a daughter or if it was because he secretly wanted a little princess.  I myself wasn't so sure - they always say a mother's intuition is right, but up until the day of, I really had no indication one way or another.

Except, the night before the ultrasound, I had my first baby dream.  I had previously mentioned to Jeff that I thought it was a bit weird how I had yet to have a dream about our baby.  Right before I woke up that morning, I had a dream that we were going in to the ultrasound and in walks this mad scientist looking ultrasound tech ( who was actually one of my PhD customers from work whose primary job is managing a portfolio of work that has to do with dangerous biological and chemical warfare agents)  Insert photo of Duane - nice guy - but a little creepy to dream about him giving me an ultrasound!! :)  So as he is doing the exam, at the end he says "Well, given the baby's curmudgeon like characteristics, I think a congratulations is in order!"  I looked at him and said "So its a boy?" and he said "Yes, congratulations, you are having a baby boy!"  I woke up and told Jeff about the dream and asked him if curmudgeon was even a real word.  I thought so, but had no idea what it meant. That day I googled it and sure enough - curmudgeon means - "a crusty, ill-tempered, and usually old man". Ha!!

Later that day was the real appointment.  It was so surreal and peaceful.  I got to lay in a comfy bed, in a dim lit room, and enjoy a up close and personal look at the baby.  By now it had distinguishable facial features and  limbs.  Getting to see it move its arms and touch its face was magical.  I think Jeff was really touched as well.  After a few minutes - we got the official declaration - 

it was a boy!  We are having a son!! 
Snakes and snails and puppy tails
 here we come!!

Here is the video from the 3D ultrasound - its a few minutes long - if you hang in there until the end, you'll see him move a bit more and enjoy some godfather like music as well!

He Can Handle a Son..No Problem!

Jeff and I were on a walk with Buzz on the path behind our house one day when we saw a lizard in the grass beside us. I said to him "Aww just think if we have a son, this is the type of thing that little boys live for...catching lizards" Then Jeff said "You know how to get them right?" As his eyes light up and a smile flashes on his face, he picks a weed out of the ground and proceeds to tie it in a neuse. Then he explains that if you slip the neuse around the lizard's head, they will run and it will tighten around their neck and you've got them. Somehow I could see he was channeling his inner child and I realized that he's got the boy thing down - its the tea parties I'm not so certain about :)

15 Week Baby Bump

Here are some belly shots that were taken after we attended the honey and wine (except if you are pregnant) festival with Jeff's sister Kay and her man Eric!

Baby Names.. Decisions, Decisions

After several hours of cruising through baby name books and websites and passing ideas through Jeff whose only words were "no", "ahh, its alright", and "fine", here were the contenders:

Girls: 

Paige

Natalie

Charlotte

Cora: young maiden; goddess of the underworld

Nora

Claire

Sabrina

Serena

Shea: of admirable character; from the fairy palace

Cheyanne

Audrey

Ellen

Leslie

Dana: woman from Denmark

Margo

Meryl

Jayla

Brooke

Julie

Boys:  

Gabe

Zach

Kyle

Graham: from the graveled area; gray home

Derek

Connor

Nolan

Liam: the determined protector

Owen

Drew

Murray

Marcus

Miles: one who is merciful; soldier

Harlan

Lyle

12 Week Ultrasound & Baby Bump

For the twelve week ultrasound, I went to John Muir Perinatal Group for the first tri-mester screening tests. This is where the doctor takes a bunch of measurements around the base of the baby's neck to determine whether we are at increased risk for down syndrome or trisomy 18. I wish I would have had Jeff at this appointment because the baby was projected on a big screen t.v. mounted to the ceiling. It had facial features, a little pot belly, and little feet that it kept crossed at the ankles. I even got to see the arms and legs move and it was just so amazing to watch. More and more this baby was starting to take on an identity of its own.

9 Week Ultrasound

The nine week ultrasound was another big milestone. For the first time we got to see that little twinkle of a heartbeat and we were mesmerized. There was another life forming right in front of our eyes. And this time, baby blob Willits, started to look more like a baby - with a head and little arm and leg buds that were moving ever so subtly.

7 Week Baby Belly

And like any expectant mom, it was time to start capturing the baby bump. So here it is at seven weeks pregnant.

And It Begins...The Baby Stuff

Once we announced the pregnancy to all our family - the excited phone calls, cute greetings, and gifts started flowing in. Here are a few of the first baby items that came our way. A card from Auntie Kimber and Uncle Charlie. This was a personal favorite - something about seeing the three elepants was so touching.

Then there was the gifts from proud Grandma Cathie - a sweet corduroy frog with long gangly legs and little tiny books to keep baby entertained. And leave it to her to pick up on my pregnant lady food cravings - Oreos and strawberries for mom!! Thanks Cathie!

And for Jeff's birthday, we got our very first piece of baby clothing - from Auntie Kimber and Uncle Charlie - an absolute necessity for any Willits child. An A's hoodie for the next generation fan.

My friend Grace gave us a subscription to the Parenting "Early Years" magazine so that we could learn about challenges and tips for parents to be. And I couldn't thank my friend Diana enough for getting me my own copy of "The Girlfriends Guide to Pregnancy" - a book that tells you the knitty gritty of having a baby while giving you a few laughs as well.

6 Week Ultrasound

After two long weeks of waiting, it was time to finally find out whether this journey was really going to start. On the way to the appointment, I felt my nerves kick in and my mind started to envision the worst case scenario. Leave it to Bobby McFerrin coming through on the radio again to ease my mind.

This time we got to see the pregnancy and the embryo and it felt like the world stood still for a minute as all I could do was look in wonderment. It was real and healthy and was named Baby Willits with an estimated due date of October 23, 2010. Who knew you could love a baby blob so much?

The Viability Scan

I called my doctor's office to see if I could come in to verify that things were on track with the pregnancy. Initially, I got the standard "We do these appointments at X weeks" answer, which was still several weeks away. When I asked the lady "Does it make any difference if I have had a previous miscarriage?" Thankfully, it did, and they agreed to have me come in for a "viability scan" just to make sure things were ok.

The morning of the appointment, I must have woken up at 4:00 a.m. - so nervous and hopeful that I couldn't sleep any longer. We hadn't told our parents and that little girl in me just wanted my mommy to know. But somehow telling mom to me meant - I believe it - a little more investment and a little more disappointment if things didn't go right. So I headed to the local coffee shop to get a drink and a muffin before work. As I was waiting for my drink, a voice in the corner says "thats a nice purse!" I turned around to see a sassy short haired lady and said "oh, thank you". She said "I just love it, but I usually get most of my stuff at the thrift stores". I just said "You would love my mom, another thrift store fashionista". A few moments went by and she looked at me and said "Today is going to be a good day, I just feel it". "I'm going to get a job today". I sat down for a moment and said "Its good to hear you say that, because I really hope today is going to be a good day as well". I explained that we were pregnant, that I had lost the last one, and that I had an appointment later in the day to confirm if things were ok. She immediately said "Here - give me your hands - close your eyes." The irony is that my mother frequently asks to hold hands and is also a hippy free spirit. The lady started to pray for me and told me that she knew everything would be ok. She started to talk about her church, about how the congregation was cool and how they all rode bikes and loved rock and roll. It turns out that this lady's name was Teri, the same as one of my best friends, and her and my dad had the same birthday. Although it was a chance encounter, it seemed like a sign to me that in some way - the love of my family and friends was present through her that day even though not many of them even knew.

Speaking of signs, on the way to the apppointment, I started to think about what we would find out and I questioned whether my heart could take another let down. The masochist in me started envisioning the black and white screen, a doctor with no expression on her face, lots of silence, and I wondered how crushed I would be in that moment. Quickly trying to change my attitude, I shook my head, and hit shuffle on my ipod playlist. Guess what song comes through the radio in that moment - 1 in 660 chance on shuffle -

It turns out that the viability scan did confirm a pregnancy, but it was too early to see anything re-assuring - just a black empty sack. It wasn't bad news, but it didn't exactly give you the warm fuzzies either. The next appointment was scheduled for two weeks later where we should definitely have something to see.

Telling Jeff

It was hard to sleep the night that I found out I was pregnant. The following day was Valentine's Day and I really wanted to tell Jeff in a way that would be special. I woke up really early in the morning and snuck away to Target to buy a few more pregnancy tests, just to be sure. I strolled past the baby aisle and decided that I wasn't ready yet to fully invest myself in believing it was real. Sure it would be nice to give Jeff a "I Love My Daddy" bib to tell him we were pregnant, but what if we lost the pregnancy again? I wasn't ready for an "I Love My Daddy" item to stare me in the face in an empty bedroom. So, I settled for a simple card - one to compliment the Valentines Day card I planned to give him.

This one said on the front "You Are Going to Be a Great Dad" and then talked about all the wonderful things that fatherhood would entail. At the bottom I just wrote to him "We're Pregnant!" and "I love you".

That afternoon we decided to celebrate Valentine's Day by taking a bike ride through Sycamore Grove and we stopped at the half way point to have a picnic lunch on a bench underneath a tree. It was then that I gave him the cards - not unusual for him to get more than one since I usually go for one romantic and one funny - or maybe even one from the bulldog. When he opened the second card, he paused for a moment and said "What?", "Really'? I told him that yes it was real and explained the tests I had taken. We were both shocked and cautiously optimistic for a better result this time around.

The Unexpected Conception

After the miscarriage, we continued to try to get pregnant, but it was a bit challenging to tell when the time was right. It wasn't until I stopped trying to predict ovulation and let go of ideal timelines that it actually happened. I even started looking for new opportunities with work, frustrated that I had put everything else about me "on hold" thinking that a pregnancy was imminent.

We took a trip to Las Vegas to celebrate several of our friends 30th birthdays in January. It was our first trip away in a while and we were looking forward to letting loose a bit. Apparently, we hit the jackpot because it was this weekend that we got pregnant even though we didn't think it was the "right time" for it to happen. Our friends jokingly say that we should name the baby "Mandy Bay" if it is a girl as a tribute to our stay that weekend at the Mandalay Bay hotel.

When I didn't receive my cycle that month I was hopeful that perhaps we were pregnant and even took several tests which to my dismay were all negative. I hadn't had a period in almost 45 days and was convinced there was something wrong with me. So I called my doctor and explained my frustration with the unpredictability of my cycles, six months of effort with no results, and general concern that maybe something was wrong. She agreed that we should have an infertility consultation and we made an appointment for the following week.

A few days later I joined my old CSU Stanislaus friends at a women's basketball game in Turlock. We got a chance to catch up and reminisce about the good old college days - it was amazing how we've all changed since then. I arrived home from the game after midnight and Jeff had long been asleep. There I was in the bathroom getting ready for bed and a lone pregnancy test stared me in the face. Surely I thought this will be negative, but I hadn't tested in about a week, so I thought I better be 100% sure before I head to this infertility appointment.

Wouldn't you know it? "Pregnant"!!!